


The Light

by transmasc_jamestkirk



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst and Feels, Don't copy to another site, Episode: s04e18 The Light, Gen, M/M, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Withdrawal, this could be slash or platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:28:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29204355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transmasc_jamestkirk/pseuds/transmasc_jamestkirk
Summary: The most remarkable thing about youStanding in the doorway is that it's youAnd that you are standing in the doorwayAnd you smile as you ease the gun from my handAnd I am frozen with joy right where I stand
Relationships: Daniel Jackson & Jack O'Neill, Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Kudos: 6





	The Light

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains suicidal daniel and a gun, so please DO NOT read if that will trigger you in any way. I've been wanting to write an SG-1 fic with this song for a while, and today inspiration finally struck. Sorry Daniel.  
> Also, what does it say about me that this is my first fic since quarantine started nearly a year ago?
> 
> Enjoy!

_The most remarkable thing about coming home to you_  
_Is the feeling of being in motion again_  
_It's the most extraordinary thing in the whole world_  
_I have two big hands_  
_And a heart pumping blood_  
_And a 1967 Colt .45_  
_With a busted safety catch_

Daniel wasn’t even sure where the gun came from anymore. It was usually kept hidden away somewhere, out of sight and out of mind. He tried to ignore the shaking in his hands as he loaded a single bullet into the chamber. All Daniel could think about was the aching, empty pain in his chest. He couldn’t think about anything but the pain. Nothing mattered anymore. He couldn’t get it back. He couldn’t get Sha’re back, couldn’t get his parents back, couldn’t get his happiness back. It was all gone. Gone, just as he would be. 

Running his fingers over the cold metal, finger itching for the trigger, Daniel didn’t even notice his apartment door open as he moved to press the barrel against his forehead. Nothing mattered anymore.

Jack’s heart raced as he moved slowly through Daniel’s apartment. The door was open, phone laying on the counter, breakfast half eaten on the kitchen table. Scanning the apartment, Jack moved towards the open balcony door, breath caught in his throat. As he eased open the cracked door, he breathed a small sigh of relief as there was no sign of Daniel. Eventually the only room left to check was Daniel’s bedroom. Jack knocked on the door and got no response. Knocking again, harder, Jack called out. Hearing no response, Jack sent up a silent prayer that Daniel was asleep, and opened the door slightly. 

Daniel had no idea how long he had been sat there, twitching fingers holding that barrel to his head. He just sat, hunched over at the end of his bed, feeling the numbness and pain soak through him. Nothing mattered. He couldn’t get it back.

Jack’s heart stopped. Daniel was sitting there, gun pressed to his forehead. In the whirlwind of panic going through his head, Jack thought belatedly about the gun. Where had Daniel even gotten it? Why did he even have it? Daniel’s twitching finger snapped him out of his reverie. 

“Daniel? What are you doing?” He asked softly.   
“None of it means anything.”  
“Uh, Daniel why don’t you put the gun down?”  
“I tried. It just… goes away.”   
“Okay, well we’ll… we’ll get it back.”  
“You can’t get it back.”  
“Well, whatever’s wrong, we’ll fix it.”  
Daniel shook his head against the gun. A derisive snort escaped his nose.  
“You don’t even know what I’m talking about.”  
“No, no I don’t. But, put it down.”

It seemed like an eternity passed before Daniel lifted his head, and Jack tore his gaze away from Daniel’s unsteady finger on the trigger.

“Jack?” His voice was clear, a note of fear and confusion underlining the one word. Jack rushed forward, yanking the gun out of Daniel’s hands. Swiftly he unloaded the single round and dropped the gun on the nightstand before wrapping his arm around Daniel’s shoulder. 

“Yeah. ‘s okay.” He whispered, patting the man on the shoulder. 

Daniel could only look at his still shaking hands. 

_The world shines_  
_As I cross the Macon county line_  
_Going to Georgia_  
_The most remarkable thing about you_  
_Standing in the doorway is that it's you_  
_And that you are standing in the doorway_  
_And you smile as you ease the gun from my hand_  
_And I am frozen with joy right where I stand_

The ride back to the base was quiet. Daniel sat in the passenger seat of Jack’s truck, head resting against the window. There was a song playing quietly on the radio, and the weather was beautiful, but Daniel just felt empty and numb. Opening his eyes, he glanced over at Jack. The midmorning sun made the gray hair practically glow. He stared, transfixed. Suddenly the shaking returned, his whole body wracked with tremors. He could feel the sweat dripping down his back, and flopped his head back against the window. 

The world felt as if it were underwater. There was muffled talking, and someone was moving his body, but nothing made sense. He tried to fight the hands on him, but his arm only flopped weakly. Suddenly he was drowning.

_The world throws its light underneath your hair_  
_40 miles from Atlanta_  
_This is nowhere_  
_Going to Georgia_

The next thing he knew, he was gasping awake, Jack hunched over him. Steady hands rolled him onto his side as he coughed and wheezed. Warm hands rubbed his back as he fought to get oxygen back into his lungs. Finally, he rolled again to his back. Daniel squinted slightly, staring up back at Jack. A faint light from the next room haloed his face, hair once again glowing. Looking into Jack’s eyes, Daniel felt his own slip close again, and let himself be moved as he was propped sitting against a wall. 

The emptiness began to fade. 

_The world shines_  
_As I cross the Macon county line_  
_Going to Georgia_

**Author's Note:**

> Song is Going to Georgia by The Mountain Goats. Also I hope you enjoyed my first Stargate fic, and please feel free to leave a comment!


End file.
